Angels Before Man by Rafael Nicolas

Content Tags: LGBTQIA+, Blasphemy, Religious Trauma, Self-Harm, War, Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse

Description from Storygraph:

A queer interpretation for Satan's fall that's part cozy coming of age and part fast-paced tragedy, with a little love story in between –

In an eternal paradise, the most beautiful angel, Lucifer, struggles with shame, identity, and timidity, with little more than the desire to worship his creator.

It isn't until the strongest angel, Michael, comes into his life that Lucifer learns to love himself. Along the way, their friendship begins to bloom into something else. Maybe the first romance in the history of everything.

But this God is a jealous one, and maybe paradise is not paradise. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I read this book based on a recommendation from TikTok that said if you have religious trauma, this book is for you. So, I was very excited to read a queer retelling of the fall of Satan. Unfortunately, I don't think the book met my expectations fully. That's not to say I didn't still like the book... I just really, really, really wanted more out of the queer retelling. 

The book is split into two parts and I was expecting the second half to be more focused on what happened after the fall or be more of where the story was retold (deviated). But it was really split to be part 1 is the build up of Lucifer being created and learning more about himself and part 2 is when he started to question and challenge god. The overall arc of the book followed the "original material" pretty consistently (from what I can recall) with the only deviation really being that Lucifer was attracted to and favored one of the other angels over god. I should've gone into this book with less anticipation for something more and maybe then this wouldn't have disappointed me so much.

I'm unsure if this was intentional on the author's part, but the writing felt like it was supposed to emulate the literary style of the bible. At times this made it challenging to read (because the style of the bible is very wordy) and focus on if my headspace wasn't all there. It was also challenging to read at times because the religious trauma was captured so well in all the little things that were happening to build up to Lucifer eventually beginning to question his faith. For example, near the very beginning Lucifer already inherently feels shame, even when he was intentionally created to be the most beautiful angel ever made. I thought I had made notes of specific passages, but alas, I did not. But it was still very much captured the (toxic) dynamic of "creation" and the relationship between god and the angels.

Eventually, god punishes Lucifer for not being "worthy" enough and the emotions conveyed as Lucifer tries to process this were so familiar. One excerpt in particular is:

"I love you, Father. You wouldn't hurt me. Because I love you. You love me too, right?"

Overall, the book was still enjoyable to me as a slight reimagining of the fall of Satan. Maybe one day I will write my own queer retelling of the fall of Satan to get what I was hoping for.

And on that note, some wrap-up questions.

What was your favorite part of the book?

I did enjoy that the representation of god was of a jealous, narcissistic, and abusive one. Though it could've been amped up some for me because it was mostly implied and not directly stated.

Are there lingering questions from the book you're still thinking about?

There was a scene with one of the archangels where it gave some backstory about him and what existence was like for angels before heaven was created. And I would like to know more about all of that. It was included to build more about why it would be such a big deal for one of the angels to question god, but outside of that it felt unresolved. So, my lingering question is why? Why was that the plot device to convey that Lucifer needed to be kept in line when nothing further was explained about that archangel's feelings and how that whole thing played out for him? It felt unresolved.